From a long vacation.*]]

I appreciate those who have been urging me to blog.
Thank you guys.


Alright.
This is the 3rd time for this week
I have to drag my ass to the bed.
I hate this feeling
Cos its triggering lonely pangs
Piercing right into my heart.
I could just run around the void deck naked.

And its driving me insane.

No its not that drugs people craved for.
Its that drug,
The only drug I've consumed,
For almost a year.
(please don't call CNB)
I meant literally.
It left me cold turkey,
And tons of side-effects.

Everytime when the brain psycho's the heart,
It just crumbled into pieces.
It feels on fire,
When plastic being burnt,
Consuming and emitting little toxic gases.
And this toxic gases are ill-feelings.

I sometimes feel that i should arm myself
With a foldable rifle.
Whenever that certain enemy
Passes by.
It goes "BANG BANG BANG!!"
Murder should be make legal.

I want to crawl into the bed with you at night.
I want to know the dirty secrets u hide.
I want to picture how your brain says its right.
I want to be explained how my heart you could abide.
I want to enter your head and plant bombs in it.
I want to feel how evil you've treat me.
Now shut up and listen alirght.
I want you to repeat after me,
You can just GO TO HELL.

I have totally given up on my damn WMP...

How GRRRRRRRREAT!!
This damn WMP & winamp just hung on me.
MANS.
OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!

Somebody get me off this seat.
I DON'T WANNA go school!!!!
PLEEEEEEEEEEASEE.
I can't away to not sleep,
When it is RAINING!!!
Plus,
I bet today is still "bearing and angle"
How dreadful.

Yikes... nevermind.
All for the sake of that administrator?
YEAY!!
That's the way i like it.
Older than me(she's around 24),executive clothing, heels, dyed brown hair
AND
CHING CHONG?!!!
Ouh..i can't expect much.

Can someone wake me at 10am instead?
Cos my class ends at 10am.
So i can leave the house just before mom woke up.
Sheesh.

Crush?
What's that suppose to mean?
I don't get excited when she messages me.
Alright, i do smile.
But its not like you know?
I mean on top of the world?
And i don't think of her.
Only at times but its rare.
Plus i am not making any effort please.
I sit down on this seat and shake legs,
Or watch discovery channel and switching to MTV every 5 seconds,
Back and fro.
Can i consider that as a crush?
No.
But i think i like the administrator!
HAH.
Sings:why don't u do something..

Dad dyed his hair black.
To cover up his white hair!
So i told him,
"U dyed black. I wanna dye too!!"
He didn't say anything.
Its a yes!
But no...
I am ASIAN.
I should be proud of being one.
ALL HAIL ASIAN!!
PROUD TO BE ONE.
May i not be struck by lightning,
When i leave the house.
Hah.

Wait,its my mommy's 46th birthday!
Is it? Or 45?
1959?
I can't count.
Failure in maths.
ANd so i love u mom,
ALthough u are kinda stingy,
Loves shouting at me,
Loves to molest me(she do touch that thing ok.She goes around "lemme touch.why is it not growing?" and she gest excited.HUR)
AIy..i'll come back for more.
I need to bathe.


Again,
this damn blogger of mine is in chinese.
Who in the right state of mind,
Changed it to a chinese program?

This might just feel good...

After all these months, i still haven't got any response or answers. Why bother if she is happy with someone else? But seriously, I hope she just change her 'stinky' attitude of going around "aye..i miss u.." And starts to jump of "joy". Don't tell me she even miss the beggar at bugis street? Or even 'flirting'. Our relationship is always filled with her relating to me "This bung told me she still like me" "This bung say i'm pretty". Shit. And i have no fooking idea how STUPID i was. To listen to my girlfriend telling me about these bungs "chasing" her. And i should be grateful for having her? Yes hunny. I should be grateful for being a lover without a brain. I was just too blinded by love. I was so much in love with you and i'd do anything to make u see that i'll be there should the world stop spinning. Oh.But what i see?See my lover flirting right through me. You still got the cheek to talk about her* to me. Complain to me when you're sad. Find me when you're sad. I'm not one damn willow tree please. I have legs,hands, eyes, hairs(HAHA). I don't have leaves growing on me. I don't need chlorophyll. I'm a human shit. You Cried when i told u about this girl. Shit. You trying to be remorseful? Look at yourself in the mirror. You SO WANTED this 11months to just die. And the next thing i know u told me "i like *** after we broke up" OH HOW GREAT!How soothing my heart feels. I feel like i am on cloud nine!! You telling me you dating alyssa and 4 bungs? If you're making me jealous, NO i am not jealous. Not an inch bit. You know i'm still struggling to move on. I still can't put behind the past. But heck. Reality smacked right into my face that you're one unngrateful supervixen. But u just have to pull me down!! So what if alyssa is rich and loaded?? Do u love for money? You must be one stupid cheap slut. Like the scum of the earth i tell u. Yes that's u. Stop degrading yourself larr. You told me "alyssa will leave me.give her a month or weeks.she will leave me.she like another girl too" So?S hould i go "Oh my dear,i feel so sorry for u. I share the pain with you." My response "Good for u cheapo." Learn to BACK OFF. Nono. U won't. U're one seductress. That's what your friends calls u. Fancy going with your friend's ex while your friend is trying to move on. Shit ok i tell u. And u asked me to write some mushy testi for u so that people think that u guys have nothing? NO hell. I don't want to be in your clan. She wrote all these stuff like u moan damn nicely and she get turned on? She even go to your house and went into your room? Shit. What more can they get? Two 'lovers' in a room? Behind closed doors? Nono.. Sorri.I'm a kid. Sex? What is sex? Shit.

Now i'm happily scolding you shit and all vulgarities. No matter how angry and pissed. Or u drive me up the wall, i did not call u names. But u just have to. I don't know. I need respect in the relationship. I treated you with respect. Is this how u repay me?

You told me alyssa asked whether i treat u better or her. You told me that actually it is me. But u have to lie to her so that she won't be sad.Should i believe that? If u can lie to her, i am nothing. You can lie and hurt me, CHEAT Me again like u used to. Shit u. I should have left you on our first officialy month(date 7 months then stead).U know he wants sex from you yet u still have to talk and reply his messages? Do you know how fucking pissed i was? And u still wanted to meet him? Stupid shit. After him,there's more. I don't wish to count larr ok.

You don't come and crack shit with me ok. U accused me of lying to you? And flirting behind your back? You got that from your stupid dumb friends. I won't be suprise if they fail their n-level. God knows what your teachers teaches you girls in school. Maybe teach you girls to become BETTER STORYTELLERS? Go and pursue your career as a book author. Man,it be better than sidney sheldon, john grisham or even anne rice. Trust me. I'll buy a copy too.

Even my friends don't make up story. If i flirt behind your back or lie to you, why do i bother to let u read my inbox? U know how much i detest it when people read my inbox? But i let u read. WHy?Because i wanna tell u that there's no other girl in my life. WHen i wanna read yours, u make stupid fucked excuses. Hello, u listen to your friends le. No primary sources ok. NO wonder your combined human sucks. I'm sorry i just have to boast about my combined human. A2! CAn beat?? Your friend said i flirt because i told this girl that she is pretty?? Stupid girl bung. Ask her to bind her fucking humungous breast la. So disgusting shit. Is it bung or wat? Or active? If active just say so. Don't need to say bung. That girl asked me if she is pretty. I can't say NO right even though if i don't find her pretty? Ok,i'm sorry for not telling the truth. If u're in my shoes,u will know it better. If i tell her straight into her face "No.u ugly!" U expect a funeral coming up from me is it?

Haha. If your friends or you reading my blog and is pissed by my harsh words, TOO BAD. No tagboard to spam me. I feel your sorrows too ladies. HAHAHA. Your friends hated me because they said i'm not good enough for you? Please larr ok. No other lover will stick with their girlfriend if their girlfriend constantly talks about other people and go around "Oh my god she so cute".Ok..only a minor percent. But the way u said it sounds like you're infatuated. You know such thing as 'tone'? Nono. You're a major in "accusing". Shit. And what if your friends found out we always fight over you flirting with others? You could use the phone the whole night because your parents is out of town. But what, u told me "i need to talk to my friend" Shit. And u expect me to wait for you from 10pm to 3am just for your phonecall. Yes i did waited. But i get damn sleepy after a hard day of revising. You called me but i was too tired to talk. You told me you're sad. SAD?!!! HAHA. Big joke. THe grammy awards for the best joker is YOU la. PLEASE!! All i need is to have a short conversation with you. I don't expect you to talk to me for hours. But why can't you just talk to me for atleast 5minutes,and tell me the words i longed to hear? Then you can call your friends. Is that too much to ask? You're never thankful to me. I know i was not very free like i am now. After a hard day of work, i tried to meet you. ALthough its rare to fetch you from school, I do take the intiative to ask you to stop at the interchange. So i can walk you home. Think logically, it is sensible to travel 30mins to meet you and walk you home,which is only 5 minutes away. Then i suffer another 30mins back home? I did all these for you. But u go "Aiyah..walk only.Nevermind, i stop at my bus stop". Do u know how hurt i was?? No u don't. You don't even care about me. You just have to scold me in public when you're mad at me. Do u know how humiliated i was?? To be scolded infront of public. In the middle of a busy mall? Shit. Even dogs are treated better hunny.


Now u accuse me of being attached with berline? Wahaha.. fuck le. I feel like i'm one celebrity and u the paparazzi. She likes another girl ok! So what if she say all these like "lao gong " to me? We are good friends ok! Stop accusing me. And stop your shit like "I know u have given up on me." One more crap from you, i fucking smash your head with my ah ma's pot please. Who have given up on who?You left me,and don't come telling me all these shit. And "i think i miss you" Yuu think only? U must be mad. U miss everyone. Including my sister and my niece. Shit. Go and die. And when i asked do u ever think about patching up? U said "yes". GO and die. Treat me like dog and poop, still want patch? Go pluck your damn hairs larr.

Ok. I had enough.

This is the reason why i've been avoiding people these few days.
Because i couldn't get this ting of my chest.
I'm sorry guys for umm..worrying.
I'm better now.
Trust me
Now i'm done.

Bye....

Starry night...

I need that damn job.
So i must do a resume.
Haha.
SO LAZY CAN!!!
They want 18years old and above.
But i'm like officialy 18 when its november??
Nevermind.
I hope my resume will be impressive so they might take me in.
So i listed down my certs and achivements.
This is what i have.

1)PSLE Cert.
2)N-level Cert (i'm proud of my comb human pls.A2 mans!!whoo.)
3)O-level Cert.

Under my CCA cert&achievements
(i'm one proud st john cadet!!HAH.)

4)First-Aid cert.
5)NCO Cert.

Under St john achievements/participation.
6)Clerical Ability Cert. (We had to attend that damn course and write agenda and all pls.)
7)Map-reading Cert. (Still,i always get lost.Cos we have compass to navigate!HAH)
8)Community Cert (Stupid cert.sing song larr)
9)Footdrill Command. (HAHA.i can shout command!!)
10)Camping Cert (We had to build tent.and i'm genius at it)
11)Home-Nursing cert.

12)NDP Cert of Appreciation. (ahh..damn ndp marched. *smiles* heh *winks)
13)National Camp Cert of Appreciation. (I am so proud can! Voted best medic.Yea, they get to pariticipate in games.and i have to be their medic!! GOod la..become ma'am for few days.HOHO.*winks)
14)Cadet Leader. (i am cadet leader.HA)

Other Achievements.
15)EAGLE AWARD. (haha.some leadership award plus cca shit.)
16)Top 25%.
17)Top 10%

(BUT FOOK OK.I DIDN'T GET THE DAMN MONEY FOR THE TOPS.CAUSE MY DAD'S SALARY IS ABOVE 3K!!BIAS!Shit!!)

18)Cross Country 2001-2003. (Top 25 runners against upper sec.)
19)CCA point is A2.
20)1st for Humanities cluster. (haha.i beat other school too?i'm so dumb larr pls)
21)NAPFA Test Cert.

And lastly is my testimonial.

Did i leave any certs or other achievements behind?

Hmm..nevermind..i shall dig my drawer.

I wanna take sign language course.
Maybe after my o's.
Then i can sign language perfectly!!
Whee.
And take mandarin class.
So can speak better mandarin.
Hahs.
And driving license.
Or motor?
Don't know larr.
Oh..i'm looking forward.

Night peeps.

I wanna slp.

when i'm with you,im closed to tears
cause u only almost here. never here.

Baby let me ease your mind...

I just woke up from my nap.
whee.
Don't know why damn lei.
Went IMM to eat with sis.
The place is like banquet.
Its 'bagus-by banquet'
I spilled my drink on my berms.
Shit.
And i smell of kiwi strawberry.
I'm one stupid damn klutz.

Woke up at 830am,
Cos niece was crying.
She was lying on the floor.
Cute little baby larrs.

After they left the house,
On MTV.
I pretend that i am fully awake.
And "watched" repeat telecast of mtv asia hitlist,
But i ended up snoring,
Soon woke up when it reached the number one song.
Why?
Because the host said,
"Number one for tis week is MARIAH CAREY!!"
At that instant,
just woke up.
I HATE HER LARR OKIES.
Damn mariah carey.

Ouh.
Sorry to those i've not been replying sms.
My sms exceeded larr.
But still can try your luck.
Maybe i reply.
Haha..lols.
Jk.

I'm going to bathe.
I still smell of kiwi strawberry.

Heh..moby-lift me up on mtv.
I used to hate that song.
But now i loikes.

She make my day with just a simple chat from her.
Miss miss miss.

Whore-cam tis morn.


haha...dumbness. TAgain,that's not my tongue. Its hot dog!!


That's my chucks larr.You just gotta love it so very much.


Now you love it right??


This pose fooking rocks larr. Spastic!!


Now im certified bald.


Mr frappucino version 2.0

Falling out of hands...

I don't feel like blogging that much today
It has been a great day.
My bike chain broke.
That's so bad.
I'm soooo sad.

No cycling as what i had planned.
Shit.

Nevermind,
I shall go running and drown my emotions tomorrow morn
and evening.
Gotta build up my stamina.
Ahhs.
Plus,
I normally run when i have loads in my mind.
Toot toot.

Met berls.
Accompanied her studying with her friends.
=)
I like her mum's friend.
She rocks!!
Even the whole family larrs.

By the way,
Ih the bus on the way to school,
This old ah pek on my right dig his nose!!
He was beside me.
He digged then he flicked it away.
NOT TO ME!!
THANK GOD.
Or i will scold him.
On my left,
This man is crazy.
Smile smile and look at me.
THen he look at the floor.
The same process.
Shit.
Do i look like i'm one of his clique?
This crazy woman also.
(This time i was going for my 2nd class)
She kept looking at me at the bus-stop.
And of all the empty seats,
She chose to sit beside me!!
And she kept look at me and smile widely to herself.
Oh man.
Is this some kind of signs??
An irony too cos i had to take the train.
She was sitting infront of me.
Still smiling and this time laughing.
Friggin scary shit.

I am kinda disillusioned.
Erms..i don't know how to say.
Or maybe i'm puzzled?
The people i meet,
Have the same or almost similar name.
Yikes

you're too cute.


I love this song by snow patrol-how to be dead.

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth,
No you don't know what happened
and you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
til I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me whats up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
and stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
from the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so lets not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
oh, my god

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
that you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
it's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking the and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
you've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. jekall is right so then hide for my pride

Can you give me some time..

This is excruciating.

Really.

Tell me when it's all over.

Long day tomorrow.
Hate practicals-- shucks.

Going cycling after prac tomorrow.
Staying over at sis place.
Try to make my way to the kranji memorial.
I always lose my way.
I hate choa chu kang.
The furthest place i've cycled from CCK is to,
Bukit timah nature reserve.

I have bad sense of direction.

I miss my lovely niece.
Gonna strangle that lovely soul tomorrow.
Love her to bits.

Stop raisin your voice..

I don't want my love to go to waste...

Its 1am.
Ahhs.

Sighs.
Feeling so crap.
So down.
Haiz.

There's just some part of my life,
i won't make ammend.
or pursue.
or even care about it.
let it just rot and die.

i tried to be all u ever needed.

Cos i shiver i just break up...

time check its 340am.
perfect 10 is playing natalie imbruglia-shiver!!!
ouh how much i love this song.
anything from her i'm happy.
she's pretty.
but more in the past,
when her hair was short and spunky.
Just like princessa.
Anyone knows her??

bad headache.
i'm starting to abhor this place.
i'm starting to detest you.
yes i am.
This boots are gonna walk on u.
Trust me.

Sweet sensation...


If only i could create for 5days,
then this will be my daily horoscopes.

5th may 2005.

Quickie: Too long of waiting. Find someone to play with-against.

Financially: Whining sure doesn't come to a great ending.

Overview: Stop wondering and do something to get yourself out of that,
emotional tangled situation. There's no raining bucks. Stop hoping.

6th may 2005.

Quickie: Stop avoiding the subject. You got all it takes. Strives!

Financially: Your bank account is depleting.

Overview: You might never know if you have made an impact on her.
Oops girlfriend, she might be having the hots for you too. You must
have gone through a lot. Take loads off and head for the bar tonight.
Save some energy for tonight!!

7th May 7005.

Quickie: If you've got a date tonight, she must be gorgeous.

Financially: Time is ticking. Bankrupt anytime soon.

Overview: Everytime that certain someone walks passed you, your face will
flush, heart pounds and you might thinking if you are allergic to seafood.
Stop holding back. Its heart-wrenching to see your bank statement in red.

8th May 2005.

Quickie: Don't be too hard on yourself.

Financially: Things are heading for the WORSE.

Overview: Its best to stay at home or have a smoke with your old-friend.

9th May 2005.

Quickie: Practice random acts of helpfulness. It feels good, and it improves
your karma.

Financially: You've come to a point-repent.

Overview: Don't ignore them. Listen and talk things out. Stop sweeping
it under the rug. You have finally regain your senses of getting a job.

10th May 2005.

Quickie: A lunch date might change the way you used to think.
Have some motivation.

Financially: There's new ray of light. Put a smile on your face now.

Overview: She might be the one you would wanna chase but in the same,
having too much of doubts. Push it aside. Straighten things out and,
you're on a one way ticket to happiness.
=~-~=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=~-~-

Enough of rabbit-shitting.
I miss my minahRepSSSS.

After much of giving it a thoughts,
I'm clearing some baggages.
It will feel so good at the end of the month.
Trust me.

I'll see a change in me.
By the end of this month.
I think??
NO!
I'll better stop doubting myself for now.
Atleast.

I read in friendster,
"Popular search in Mr frappucin's network".

free video(sex)
free japan av movie
meraba kesedapan
ramas kawan
林志玲走光
stim dgn adik
acne scars
ku henjut
zodiac love match
hornywife


Ouh man..i'm surrounded by horny people!!!
Haha..yikes sorry guys.

I'm going for a haircut.
That old salon i used to go to.
Haha.
I miss that guy who used to cut my hair!!!
whoops.

Wash away my sorrows take away my pain...

Its raining
Cats and dogs.

Today is the 5th!
Should i be happy and contented,
or empty and sad??
I don't know.


When you looked into my eyes, and you said goodbye
Could you see my tears
When I turned the other way
Did you hear me say
I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky
You promised me when you said goodbye
That you'd return when the storm was done
And now Ill wait for the light, Ill wait for the sun

Enemies at war we build defences...

Finally i feel like blogging,
and why the hell my blog stuff,
is in CHINESE???
it must be this laptop.
i'm lazy to configurate it.
tsk.

2 days ago,
i think i board the
MnRT the opposite of MRT.
MnRT stands for,
Mass NON RAPID transit.
It just fooking unbearable larr i tell u.
To actually suffer 45minutes,
from bishan to cck.
It supposed to be 35mins at the most!!
I was cursing under my breath,
about HOW RAPID he is driving that damn train.
Must be a new driver i think.
I would have alight at yew tee,
but it was raining heavily.
COWS.
The next time it rains,
i shall dance and play in the rain.

Apart from that long terrible ride,
this old ah pek just have to push my button.
his head was lulling left and right,
and i was irritated.
if only i can speak in mandarin,
i would have scream at him
"hello old man!i paid $1 plus to RIDE this train.
Unlike you who use the god damn SENIOR CITIZEN EZ-LINK!!
expecting me to be your damn pillow
for u to rest your head on!
Go home and sleep larr asshole!!
Here i am trying to cool myself with this RAPID train,
here u are trying to god knows what with me!!"
Then i'll whack him with his stupid plastic bag.

Pardon me.
But i SERIOUSLY detest those who sleeps in the mrt,
with their stupid head lulling left and right.

Decided to be good today.
Mom went,
"my child,u're so nice today!"

Me,
"i am a good daugter now!!"
she,
"good to see u have repented"

ouh.

I agreed to follow mom to the wet market!!
Yucks.
Reason being cos she injured her leg,
What if she falls and no one will help her.
Or even attempt to save her.
Heh.
I hate going to market.
Because my mind will run wild i tell u.
REALLY.
I kept picturing the place,
is filled with dirty big rats,
running around feeding on the leftovers.
And cockroaches dancing around the drain,
the floors,everywhere!!
And i am the only human being,
stuck in that filthy place.

PLus the butcher,fishmonger,
digs their nose and when a customer comes,
he did not even bother to clean his hand,
and just grab the fish,meat.
I know we wash the stuff,
BUT!!
Aiyerr...still its disgusting larr.
If mom thinks like i do,
I'll be dead by now.
No market.no food.

I don't know larr.
Just by going to market,
gives me the creep.

I have implemented strict rules on my BODY.
Quit smoking by the end of this month.
=))
Then i'll find a new hobby.
Rather than watching the grass grow.

ahh how i dread friday class!!
monday and tuesday is great..
because i have ash to crap with.
plus it is maths!
friday is just too boring.
I must find motivation to go to school on friday.
To look forward on friday class!!
How about the chinese beautiful clerk?
Heh.
She must be around 23 or 25 i think.
But its ok.
Maybe i might wanna consider??
HEH.
*cheeky grins*

When i listen to the ipod,
i can go deaf man.
and i was so humiliated,
to not realise my hp rang in the bus.
Ayee...
Now it is low batt.
U stupid ipod photo.
and when i talk,
i'll go "HUH??HUH?HUH??"
Just to realise,
some man or woman staring at me,
wondering am i semi-deaf or dumb!!

I wrote a testi for berls!
Haha..she wants to make her crush jealous,
and i have to write a mushy testi.
God knows what the heck i wrote.
Aye..so greedy larr u got 4pts.
=(

I am going to sleep now.
330am.
Ash and i are still awake.
Nocturnal creature.
I shall study science later in the day.

I've been thinking alorrt lately.
I shall just let nature takes it course.
No hurry baby.

This has been a veryyyy long-winded entry.
Off!


It's more than adrenaline rushes
It's the touch and the smell of skin rushes
Some call it love at first sight.

I still love u the girl from mars...

My leg is aching.

Please tell me how to be dead...

i admit i'm a little tutu when it comes to WMP.
haha.
Finally found my favourite song.
Snow patrol-how to be dead.
Miss watching mtv till the wee hours.
Those were the times when i really take my mind off loads.
Ouh.
That song normally is played in between 330-5am.

Feeling pek chek.
Aye... there's something inside me,
it is trying to reach out to me,
but i chose to be nonchalant about it.
i cannot be bothered anymore.
seriously.

I'm too numbed inside out.
Cannot be bothered to feel mad,pissed,angry whatsoeva.
This is a different transition of me.
I've not been myself lately.
Ash said i've been really nice and punctual and patient.
Right,
So i've been early most of the time.
And wait for those princessES.
What i mean is my friends.
=)
Its nice to be early,
Because waiting=one way ticket to be patient.

Part of me is telling me to let go.
To let go of the 11months we've shared.
To move on.
To date others.
But i don't want to.
For i am not ready to fall in love.
Being in love is not a pastime for me.
It is something not to fool around with.
Or a joke.
Taking someone's heart for granted,
Is really an evil doing.

Everyone surrounding me is telling me to move on.
They telling me stories.
I ignored them.
But i can't ignore what she told me.
She said,
"yesterday,i bumped into her.she got new 'bf'.A chinese girl.I guess she ditched u, huh?"

"its ok la..time to move on".

But yes, i'm totally crushed.
I feel it has reached to a height,
Where i couldn't care less.
What happen,just happens.
If she's not mine,
Then its just too bad.
All the efforts,
Gone to a waste.

To travel a 30mins journey,
Just to walk her home which only takes 5minutes.
And back home 30mins again.
Knowing adult ez-link just loves to drain my money.
Stayin up the whole night,
Just to send her to school,
Or go to school with her.
Afraid i might not able to wake up in time.
To run all the way to the mrt station,
Just to board the first train to her place,
Just to make it in time.
So she wouldn't be late for school.
Part of me was disheartened,
Sacrificing my sleep,
And all she does is just talk to her friend on the phone.
Me sitting beside her wondering and having inner conversation.
Disheartened but i smile just to hide my sadness.
And she thinks i am in love or what.
And knowing inside me just wants to break down and cry.
About why am i treated like this.
To stay up all night,
Just to call her first thing in the morning.
To say those sweet words,
To be reluctant to hear her voice,
But the next thing,
We're quarreling.
Only 10minutes of talking.
Waking up in the morning,
Just to hear her slamming the phone on me.
Tried to be a good girlfriend.
Fetched her from school.
When i am not working.
90 mins journey to her school,
90mins back to her house.
30mins back to my house.
When she is mad,
I have nothing to say.
Looking at her getting angry at me,
Makes her more cute.
I end up smiling instead.
And got accused of being "not serious".
Huge fights.
Sometimes i just can't speak up when we fight,
Maybe it is my heart too fragile when it comes to her.
To even shed tears infront of her when she's pissed at me.
How humiliating man.
Never in that situation before.

Sighs..
forget it.
I'm all wrong.
Blame me.
I'm just not good enough for her.
I'm not telling the world she is bad.
I don't know larr.
Shit.