The shooting star that destroyed us]]

I slept for the longest hours after these 5months,
12midnight-1315hours.
*smart*

And i've already set my priorities right. So she must go. Away with her girlfriend. That line stuck at the beack of my head "i will always love you. I will never love other bungs the way i love u. But its time i moved on. Love is wat i don't need anymore" *sings: she's got a "boy"friend now and its hard to see what she gots herself into..* Ahh heck. Oh well..shut ryann shut ryann.

Sorry ash for yelling at you on the phone. I was very moody and emo-mo. Oh well, i know you too. Ash, welcome to the singles club. From this moment, on this very day, you will be into a different transition. Of waking up in the morning, with an empty heart nothing to look forward to anymore. And when the sun descends, the sorrows ascends. Did i just rhyme baby? HEHE. No worries, abg ryann ader lar ash. Im ur pb u my pb, don't you know that we pb's?

Tomorrow is monday. OUH HOT STUFF.

Its barely a week now. Its way too crazy to plunge into a deep whirlwind of emotions. This can't be it. i still like. Shut ryann, no emotional baggage get that??? *spanks mom's tefal pot*

Now i'm here to stay,
love can be so boring.

that girl who showed me around]]

I'll be just fine pretending i'm not. i'm far from lonely and its all that i've got.
Plunging me beneathe subzero, the way you used to drive me up the wall- now and then. The humiliation infront of public when your 'patience level' actually fused-poor me and shoppers at causeway point.i almost got into the headline newspaper., the nights staying awake just to greet you first thing in the morning when next minute the atoms in your body went haywire-slam the phone down., Those another nights of not sleeping in order to not overslept, and to actually run all the way to the mrt when not even a soul in the neighbourhood can be seen, just to send you all the way to school- thou there's this once actually sucks when you totally ignore me throughout the whole ride from woodland to bedok. talking to my most favourite enemy., Being a schnook from yew tee to woodland, just to walk you home- 5mins walk to your home, 35minutes to and fro., The waiting at the polyclinic seems endless- knowing i hated polyclinic of hoe ineffeicient is it.But for just to send you to the doctor, Those after school fetching you from school-i hate this distance between us, To bear you slamming the phone when you're mad- do you know all these 11 months i have always waited for you to put the phone down first, The times when you talked about that guy who wanted sex from you and messaging you all the time- the pain bit almost every part of my body, you never know how sad i was. only the stadium was the only place to vent my frustration. those 10laps with each steps i vow not to lose you, all i can hear was my heart beating too fast, my almost 'ruptured' veins and my head beginning to spin. Those not to be detailed sequence. Its all for a good cause. It was.

Its the past now baby.

*//you're just the best i ever had
i don't want you back
you're just the best i ever had.

Frappucino]]

A heartbreaker? Shit you. A liar, yes you. A bitch, yes you. I hate you, yes you. I loathe every frigging shit and toxins in your body. Still, you suck. As a girlfriend material, uh uh sorry baby i don't have time for your frigging melodrama act.

Its a cold day. Down with flu and sore throat. Miserable kinda stuff. This is crazy. Forget it. An angst entry, i miss you.

I would bury your remains and build my establishment on that ground. That is how much i adore you. =)

And what they say don't play with fire ryann. I'll be the water to douse that flame of yours. Three cheers for i like you.

have you moved on ryann? oh yes baby..sooooo have moved on.

Drink a bottle of listerine]]

Currently this faggot is down with a minor sore throat and 'bitten' tongue. Uhuh no i didn't tonguey just now, accidentally bit on it while chewing gum.

I have this phobia of chewing gum. Especially when i'm lying on my bed. The other night, i slept with chewing gum in my mouth, attempting to throw it first thing when i woke up from my sleep. The next morning, the chewing gum 'presented' its first beautiful mass diplay on my friggin hair. *barks* Goodbye fringe, goodbye toni&guy for cutting my hair 2 weeks ago. Wednesday is my paycheck! *dances nakedly on the bathroom floor* =X

I want that mickey mouse $60 brown pants. I shall forgo it together with my pacco robane perfume-ultraviolet. Its damn frustrating to keep postpone-ing the month after next. CK-contradiction larr. Oh shall stop about it. Tomorrow i shall get that u2 shirt! That '50%' sale keeps rpeating and so called 'flashing' on my head. And i can see that shirt is dancing and calling out my name. Wait no! I'm still thinking. I should i should. Just bear "50% futher reduction sale" ryann. Already a wholesale price. *Smirks*

Weeks of insomnia, sleepless nights, self-deluding, self-denial, endless of talking to oneself, continously yackety-yak to amuse oneself, high level of tolerance and patience, good punctuality habit, waking up in the morning again to see the dark grey sky, now can i conclude that I'm CONTENTED & HAPPY?

Thanks baby for that cardigan song. Ouh i'm repeating it over over n over again. *kisses*

imsointoyouimgettinrushes.//*

You love me no longer]]

Reading ash's entry about yesterday just perked my mood. I need to shower, and study chem. I got an interesting phone call and message today. *prances*

By the way, i embed my faviurite song. Its a matter of whether you guys can hear it or not. Or the internet speed, or the damn geocities server.

Love me, love me.
Pretend that you love me.
Leave me, leave me.
Just say that you need me.

*Scoots*

She's my hard candy]]

Time check 0121hours.
HEY!

My leg is aching, it feels as if i was in the marching contingent. OUH. Basically, it was a last minute ordeal asking ash to the padang. My sister? Oh, she went out wif her friend instead. You can fcuk the weather, because it was drizzling. No rain when this vaine shit is out. Yeah. I somehow pity that senior citizen working at raffles city BK. But the other evil side of me is, 'you deserve it'. You can't blame him for being slow, yet you can't stop him from earning his cash. Honest income i should say. Practically, that group of young 14-16 'kids' were fcuking pissed at him. They yelled at him 'HELLO THIS IS TAKEWAY!'. Like i say, i pity him. YES I DO, YOU SHIT. But when i was being polite to him like calling him 'sir', he threw tantrums. Yadayada. That's what you get for being too nice or polite sometimes. Final result, SERVICE WAS WAY TOO SLOW. TOOT TOOT TOOT [flashing middle fingers in the air]. But that group of 'kids' they were being kinda rude, this girl remarked "DO they have a feedback form". Hello you, if you do hate the service, you may kindly speak to the manager or bark at that old man. Cripes, he's just doing what he is suppose/not suppose to do. Ahh heck forget it.

Ash needed toilet badly, we went to relieve at 'fullerton hotel'. Oh hot hot heat stuff man! The toilet doors sucks, overall, its cool. Nice to yee-ha-haw. OUCH. Shut your pervertic thoughts ryann.

We arrived at the padang, 10mins to 1700hours. Passed some hot hot heat girls. OUUUCH. Chinese! Bumped into meu. Ouh finally someone we know.

Overall the show was 50-50. Below average but not too low. 99.252598171% of the show, i was oggling at this hot hot heat girl. OUCH OUCH OUCH. She is just hot hot heat lar huh! Atleast there's some entertainment. Add in her pink panty, (ouch seriously we didn't mean to be pervertic. BUT. its just there you see) Ouch hot stuff. Her face, hmm hmm. Her body, stop it larr, you're driving me horny shit. This entry might be a little perv, but i need to stress out, her body is hot hot heat. HOT STUFF OK!!! And if i'm her lover, i'll hug her till she'll die of asphyxia. Alright save the remarks, other than her younger sister kept looking at me. [Does she have a crush on me?] No no baby, i like your sister. Sorry, if you're older or a year younger than me, prolly i might consider? Sheesh.

But we did bully them, literally. By popping our 'popper' at them. So cute stuff. OOUCH...Come hug me baby don't be afraid.

Fireworks, cool. SAF, cool too but don't you think singapore is being a little or prolly too paranoid about terrorism or emphasizing on military defence and our we-need-our-sophisticated-warfare-to-be-always-prepared. Shit, internal security department PLEASE don't send me to jail. I know i'm a traitor to japan, but i still want my chics from japan. AHH.

2030hours, show ended. My heart literally stopped, cos its really goodbye to that hot hot heat oggly-woogly girl. I love you baby!! Alright alright hush. I should have said hi to her? Or asked her name? Oh fcuk ryann where's your frigging guts!! NONO. She's just hot hot heat, her hmmm. *silly face*

Chilled at boat quay, our usual fagging session. Home, then bring it on. Ouh kirstin dunst? That's the right spelling i suppose. Did you noticed 'cliff'(s) watch? I have that exact same watch!! Its swatch aluminium chrono! My $195 watch. Sending to the shop to get the strap replaced. Another 49bucks. That's really a bomb okai.

Finally, i've gotten that rialto cd. OUCH hot hot heat part II. But she's still my hot hot heat for tonight. *lick lips* Can't wait for monday. My hot hot heat baby. If only everyday is like monday and tuesday, exclude that maths teacher and sitting a chair apart from her, prolly i'd never wanna die this young.

Goodnight all.

I love you and you and you,
Just a little too much.

Such a waste, when she leaves me, a bitter taste,
when I want her to feed me.
All the shiny paper's just a sham,
I only want to make her understand...
hold her as she melts into my hands,
even if she acts like she can't stand me,
That's just my Hard Candy.


P/s:
Hot hot heat according to the author's dictionary means,
(adj) hot stuff; pretty; saliva-rating <-- my propaganda!

Only happy when it rains]]

stop selling yourself;
i ain't buying.

you get what you deserve.

There is just a little part in my life i couldn't decipher. And if its to be explained, i won't digest to it. I used to think i have a reason to stay. To love to care. I won't count the days, weeks nor months. As calender fast forward, night turns to day, millions of principles to keep me sane, hours of talking to myself, nights of self-denial, my heart is still heavy like a 21 inch television. Light up light up, as if you have a choice. even if you cannot hear my voice, i'll be right beside u dear...

I feel that my brain works 24/7 no stopping, no sleep mode, no saver mode! Even when i'm asleep.Sometimes i do talk while i'm asleep. That's insanely scary. Or worst still, i sleep-walk and grab my phone to reply sms-es. But you won't get those sensible replies. Whatever i kept thinking or worrying about before i sleep, it will reappear in my sleep. And i dream EVERY FOOKING day nowadays. I totally loathe it.

I dreamt of you yesterday, and it felt so real. Much of coincidence, the dream had answers. Questions from me to you. CRAP CRAP. It depicts me running away from you, breaking loose from your grip. Oh shit, how can i be so cruel in that dream?

When i eat, i worry. When i sit, i worry. When i talk, i worry too. WORRY WORRY WORRY. Part of it is my guilty conscience telling me to study everynight or i'm wasting their 1.7k. Part of it, i won't say it here.

I wish my mouth is auto-lock enabled. Each time it starts to trigger those inchorent, not-meant-to-say words, it should just lock. LOCK ON TARGET.

I hath the way my heart is carrying this burden depressing load. Alright screw loose. loose screw.

Seems like tonight, i hafta drag my ass to the bed and WORRY WORRY WORRY like i've always been.

If there's one phrase for today, it is 'you sickens me'. This is boys, this is my time to brag shit!!

Execute all memories]]

I've learnt a bitter truth, weeks ago. Self-denial just have to be defeated. Shit you*. If only i can teleport, i wanna strangle you, exerting extra force every 5seconds, then i'll hear you screaming to let loose, tears streaming your cheek, you trying to break free. Asphyxiation. Time is running out baby, what you gonna do? I'll kill them too! In mere 5minutes, your eyes will bulge out, and YOU* asshole is certified death. I'll rejoice in utter insanity, i am selfish, revengeful. Just FOR NOW. Only.

"When one's door closed, another door opens"-

Fuck it.

It is taking too long right now. and sometimes, we looks so long upon that closed door, counting down. Doubts, multipying.

So go to hell, and i'm happy being on my own.

Whatver i've done, has already turned to zilch.

Goodnight world,
I love you MOM & DAD*.
(yes, i'm already family oriented)

I can feel you falling]]


Heck.

Today we made our way to the hospital.
My paternal grandparents got warded,
husband and wife!
How lovely.

That's all i have to say,
They're dying.
One by one,
Including my maternal grandmama.
My maternal grandpapa?
He is still healthy at the age of 81,
Still riding his phantom bike!
I ain't lying shit.
Just a couple of weeks ago,
He gave my mom a ride.
And i can't do anything to divert death,
Neither can i do anything to divert my mind off her.
You're just toooooo irresistible babe.

I almost didn't recognize my own paternal grandmama.
I thought it was some old chinese granny,
By my grandpa's bedsie.
She braid her hair!
So cute just like those 1960s chinese young girls.
That explains my mixed of blood,
My paternal and maternal grandma are chinese.
Ching chong!

I'm jumping right now,
Literally.
School?

I've decided.
Since i won't get to that course, i shall strive to get into early childhood. YOU* will be my source of motivator, and we can go to school together. Hold my hand again won't you? Aite. And if that so isn't, i shall get into some fcuked up business courses. Reason being, i hate to dress formally. Alright, for a change perhaps?

I have my own reason. I won't preach. I don't remember having you as my friend, or having you as my lover. Or even remember getting in between the sheet with you. Blame it on amnesia baby.

If i am a real jerk, i would have gotten in between the sheets with all of them.

I miss you so much it hurts. Is there any remedy for this poor heart of mine??

Your hands in mine]]

30mins ago I was about to download songs into my mp3,
To discover the installation cd is in a bad shape.
Wrecked, broke into half,
My heart wrenched.
What could be worst is my earphone is in a bad condition,
Nono not because of my mishap,
But to see my earphone being smashed against the wall,
REPEATEDLY;
By my angry litte brother.

:s

5mins ago I tried to calm myself down,
And watched my beautiful wife dancing.
Without realizing my dad was behind me all along,
Watching too.

I'm gonna travel to japan by the age of 23,
Travel in the bullet train,
Eat seafood at hokkaido,
Visit Nagasaki & Hiroshima.
Oggling at Tokyo.
Visit brothels?
Maybe.

I'd better not provoke any war now,
Or maybe i should?
Oh well, poetic justice i guess?
The words are all copyrighted lines.
I'm strong.
Don't worry.
I'm gonna get through this.
*breathes*

Its 2am now,
I'll better log off now,
And get a new distraction- reading.
Then i'll resort to thinking,
Off to sleep.

Cause i can feel you breathe, its washing over me. suddenly i'm melting into you. caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush. isn't that the way that love suppose to be?